Tommy Wiseau's 2002
NOTE: Don't do any of this unless you're 21+ years old, stupid.
ALSO NOTE: There is a lot of explicit, thoroughly uncomfortable "love-making" in this film. It's camp, not porn--too naive to be salacious--but the smuttyness will be too much for some. You've been warned.
Begin by obtaining:
5+ (preferably cheap) beers per participant. Rainier is encouraged (where available).
Sit back, press play, and be prepared to take a drink:
- whenever an establishing shot establishes (/ needlessly reminds us) that indeed we are in San Francisco.
- whenever Johnny calls Lisa by a pet name (Babe, My Girl, My Future Wife (from the future!), &c.).
- whenever Denny enters.
- whenever any new, unintroduced character makes you wonder “who the fuck is this?”
- whenever Lisa reveals she doesn't love him anymore!
- whenever Mark avers that Johnny's his best friend!
- whenever Claudette mentions up Johnny’s salary or Lisa’s financial security.
- whenever anyone assures us that “Everything will be fine!”
- whenever a scene is set on "the roof." (quotes intentional; you'll see)
- whenever anyone "plays football." (quotes intentional; you'll see)
- whenever anyone tells a "funny story." (ibid.)
For those with extra-hardy livers, feel free to go bottoms up (i.e. finish your current drink) when:
- Denny bites into that fateful apple (because IT'S A METAPHOR!).
- Johnny holds forth (to Denny, on "the roof") about love making the world a better place. (If not chugging your drink, it is proper at the end of this speech to chant "Yes we can!")
- everyone sings the real-life, major-copyright-infringing "Happy Birthday" song.
That's all folks! Don't forget the ol' underpants.