THE ROOM Drinking Game

Tommy Wiseau's 2002 clustermasterfuckpiece, The Room, is so bad. If you're drunk though, it's so good. Here's my (revised; you're welcome) guide.

NOTE: Don't do any of this unless you're 21+ years old, stupid.
ALSO NOTE: There is a lot of explicit, thoroughly uncomfortable "love-making" in this film. It's camp, not porn--too naive to be salacious--but the smuttyness will be too much for some. You've been warned.

Begin by obtaining:
The Room
5+ (preferably cheap) beers per participant. Rainier is encouraged (where available).

Sit back, press play, and be prepared to take a drink:
  • whenever an establishing shot establishes (/ needlessly reminds us) that indeed we are in San Francisco.
  • whenever Johnny calls Lisa by a pet name (Babe, My Girl, My Future Wife (from the future!), &c.).
  • whenever Denny enters.
  • whenever any new, unintroduced character makes you wonder “who the fuck is this?”
  • whenever Lisa reveals she doesn't love him anymore!
  • whenever Mark avers that Johnny's his best friend!
  • whenever Claudette mentions up Johnny’s salary or Lisa’s financial security.
  • whenever anyone assures us that “Everything will be fine!”
  • whenever a scene is set on "the roof." (quotes intentional; you'll see)
  • whenever anyone "plays football." (quotes intentional; you'll see)
  • whenever anyone tells a "funny story." (ibid.)
Chug whenever/as long as the camera is panning across the GG Bridge. (Fist-pumping with your free hand is encouraged. If the camera pans all the way across the bridge, it is proper to cheer.)

For those with extra-hardy livers, feel free to go bottoms up (i.e. finish your current drink) when:

  • Denny bites into that fateful apple (because IT'S A METAPHOR!).
  • Johnny holds forth (to Denny, on "the roof") about love making the world a better place. (If not chugging your drink, it is proper at the end of this speech to chant "Yes we can!")
  • everyone sings the real-life, major-copyright-infringing "Happy Birthday" song.

That's all folks! Don't forget the ol' underpants.